31 May 1799

Eliza Fenwick to Mary Hays, 22 Hatton Garden, London, [31 May 1799].1

     Gratified as I am by this new proof of your attention to our likings yet the manner in which you conveyed our tickets has given me exceeding pain. Are you dear Mary are you offended with me? Do you cease to call me your dear friend? Do you restrain your pen & suffer it no longer to convey to my heart the feelings of yours because you no longer deem me worthy of that beloved title, of that endearing elevating confidence? Is this so? Alas, amidst a multitude of torturing anxieties the remembrance of your affection has never been effaced from mine. I could not come during this interval to see you. I had spoiled my shoes & waited for another pair till two days since & then a pain in my foot which I take to be an effort of Gout completely disabled me. Why I did not write I cannot tell for I daily intended to do so but petty cares distract & destroy ^me^ Every body harrasses me  Mr F— & Miss B—2 though each in a separate way are my bane – And can you not forgive me? Will you ^not^ believe that I love you with all my heart? Oh do do for you & I must be friends.

    If I can walk I shall go to the Poultry for Mr F. tomorrow morning & will call then  mean while think of me as you used to do

                    for I am your own

                                    E F. 

Address: Miss Hays | 22 Hatton Garden

Postmark: 31 May 1799

1 Fenwick Family Papers, Correspondence, 1798-1855, MS 211, Unpublished Letters, NY Historical Library (letter does not appear in Wedd, Fate, or Brooks, Correspondence). 

2 Henrietta Braddock.