Eliza
Fenwick, Bridge Town, Barbados, to Mrs. Hays, at Pennington’s Esqr, Hotwells,
Bristol, 11 December 1814.1
Bridge Town, Barbadoes,
Decr 11th 1814.
My dear Friend,
I wish I could be
assured that the apprehensiveness of your affection has not been disquieted by
the long interval that stretches itself between the periods of your now hearing
from ^me^, for I never awake in the morning but the thought of your probable
alarm and uneasiness recurs most painfully to my mind. December is now passing
on, & most likely it will be Feby before this comes to your hand
– It was in August that you had my last letter and remembering, as you will
infallibly remember, how much earlier I had tidings of Eliza after she left her
native shores, I cannot but dread the fears that may be awakened in your mind,
or the conjectures you may pass of on my silence. But voyages differ –
Eliza’s was boisterous & swift – ours was calm, placid, & tardy. We
were called on board by the signal guns early at Day break on the 23d of
August & set sail, but the wind shifting & the fleet being very large
the Commodore hoisted signals for returning back & we cast anchor again in
St Helen’s bay, Isle of Wight, the same evening. Three times in the
course of the ensuing week we set sail & returned, nor did we finally put
to sea till the 1st of Sepr. We lay three days at Cove,
and 8 days at Madeira nor did we even see the Island of Barbadoes till the 28th
of Ocr. Yet the weather was uncommonly fine the whole way, with the
exception of one 24 hours, as we crossed the Bay of Biscay, which our Captain
called merely a little rough, but
which from the dreadful sickness the rolling of the vessel occasioned, seemed
to me tremendous. All beside was bright sunshine & light winds & many
vessels of the Fleet being very slow sailors, our ship & others, who could
have made the voyage in half the time, were obliged to keep back lest they shd
outrun the Convoy. This is an inconvenience often attending sailing in fleets,
but the security is an indemnification. It was a tedious dreary length of time
to me. The first three weeks I suffered dreadfully from sickness – the rest of
the voyage I was relieved from that suffering but was still utterly unable to
do any thing for my amusement I could neither read write or work & the days
& nights crowded on with a lassitude beyond description. Orlando too found
it very tedious though he had many resources – in his flute, learning how to
work the ship, & playing at draughts with, or hearing ^of^ the miseries of
french captivity from Mr
Nichols, our only fellow passenger, a young man returning to his Mother
at Barbadoes after being nine years & half in a french Prison. The only
parts of the voyage I remember with pleasure were first, our casting anchor at
Cove, which gave Orlando & I the opportunity of paying a hurrying visit to
Lee Mount where we were received with equal astonishment & delight. I am
very glad that we went there for something of sullenness in Mr
Honner when we met in London had created a suspicion in my mind that in ceasing
to serve I had lost their friendship. I wronged them particularly Mrs
Honner, & from the first to the lowest of the family their evident pleasure
in seeing me again gave me a sincere & commendable satisfaction – The
second agreeableness of the voyage was of an inferior nature – it had nothing to
do with feeling it was only a gratification of taste at sight of the
picturesque & romantic Island of Madeira. We had also a gratification of
appetite there for though the anchoring of such a large fleet had the immediate
effect of raising the markets yet we could buy 30 fine peaches for sixpence and
40 delicious figs for a coin of half that value. Pears apples & oranges in
the same proportion but the grapes were somewhat dearer. The indescribable
fertility of the Island in fruits of every species almost, its romantic mountains
&c afford great pleasure to the stranger but no English eye can look on the
squalid wretched appearance of the lower class of ^the^ Portuguese inhabitants
without disgust. Of the higher classes I had no appearance ^opportunity^ of
judging, but we saw crowds of fat thriving priests & friars; & the
splendor of decoration in the churches equalled descriptions I have read but
surpassed any thing I ever saw before. As I have already told you we reached
Barbadoes, our land of promise, on the 28th of Ocr – My meeting
with Eliza with her husband & her child I will not attempt to describe[.]
No my friend you heart so alive to all the refinements of genuine feeling will
readily conceive how much that hour seemed to reward me for all previous
suffering. Yet the delight, pure & holy as was its source, did not exist
without its alloy. I was shocked at the alteration in Eliza. She had been very
ill with a bowel complaint brought on as was supposed by too pertinaciously
suckling her great boy without any mixture of food. The Her strength her
flesh were wholly gone, her cheeks as colorless as the paper on which I write
& the color ^hue^ of her skin changed from its brown to a ghastly
yellow. I do assure you with the strictest truth that had I met her in any
street or in any room in England I should not have known her till she spoke.
Orlando had exactly the same impression. She looks somewhat better now, or I am
more accustomed to the change. Her heart & her principles are still the
same, or perhaps improved. Her spirits have not constantly their former
vivacity because the debility she feels checks them & because she has
annoyances & fatigue in the management of our little household that the
mistress of an English family with even the worst of English servants can form
no idea of. Our domestics are Negroes hired from their owners & paid what
seems to me an exorbitant rate. With our ^small^ family we are obliged to keep
three or if we wash at home four, & with that number, one third of the work
Eliza does herself & another third is necessarily left undone as she cannot
do more than her strength will allow. They are a sluggish inert self-willed
race of people, apparently inaccessible to kind & gentle impulses. Nothing
but the dread of the whip seems capable of rousing them to exertion & not
even that, as I understand, can make them honest. Pilfering seems habitual
& instinctive among the domestic slaves. It is said they are worse slaves
& servants in this Island than in many others because there is less
severity made use of – It is a horrid system that of slavery & the vices
& mischiefs now found among the negroes are all to be traced back to that
source. Bounded as my present experience is I could say much more on this
subject but will defer it to return to myself – a dearer theme I trust both to
you & to me.
I have spoken of my
the pleasures of my arrival I must now speak of subsequent pains. We had but a
few days to enjoy each others society in comfort when I fell alarmingly &
dangerously ill. They say my own imprudence was the cause. I was strictly
enjoined by Eliza & Mr Rutherford to close the Jalousies of my
chamber windows when I went to Bed, but the heat was oppressive to me beyond
endurance & I could not believe that the night air balmy & refreshing
as it felt was dangerous so I opened my Jalousies to inhale the breeze & to
gaze as I lay in bed, on stars more brilliant & luminous than I had ever
seen before. This indulgence I am told produced an inflammation in my blood. I
was very bad. The Physician who was
called in as well as my terrified family deemed me in great danger but I
recovered & have repented bitterly my not taking advice, not only on
account of the suffering & weakness I have brought on myself but in behalf
of the dreadful expence I thus created for Mr & Mrs Rutherford. Medicine
& medical advice is enormously dear here. The Physicians of celebrity
receive a Jo, or two guineas, a visit & I was visited twice in the 24 hours
while my disorder was at its height. I am now nearly well & my greatest inconvenience
is an extreme dimness of sight which renders the writing this letter a painful
effort. I had just pass’d the crisis of my disease when the fleet sailed by
which I intended to have written to you. Eliza had in her desk a half written
letter to Miss Lamb to which she added a line saying I had arrived & had
been dangerously ill & forwarded ^it^, by the fleet, but her time as you
may suppose between me and the school & the household was too fully
occupied to allow her to attempt a letter. The Barbadoes Packet sailed from
hence the very day before our arrival so that opportunity of writing to you has
not been favorable, but not willingly neglected. I write now by the Island
packet which goes round the Islands to collect letters & may not make
England these three months. The heat is to me almost intolerable & I have a
secret fear I shall not be easily enured to bear it. Eliza finds it even cold & Orlando is quite cool while I
am melting at every pore. Our prospects, I am assured, are excellent & one
of the wealthiest men of the Island told me yesterday the only danger was of
our having too large a school. Eliza
and Mr Rutherford are no less sanguine on the subject, but the
dearness of living & the hideous expenses of servants create fears in my
mind. Perhaps my reduced state from bleeding blistering & pain may subject
& bow down my rage & therefore take no notice of this suggestion for
even before it reaches you my spirits & hopes may revive. Orlando is quite
well but I was misinformed in London respecting the ease of placing him in a
commercial house here. There are at this moment six young men ^of good families
here^ waiting from for a probable vacancy in a ^great^ merchants office
& another merchant to whom I brought letters tells me he is not only
overstocked with young Clerks several of whom have given £100 premiums for
their admission but that every mercantile house he knows is in the same
predicament. Numbers have poured from England on this speculation of late &
together with the natives have blocked up every opening. This sinks my spirits
a little. A trial is now making to get him into a Government office. The law he
himself positively rejects & he judges rightly. When I write again perhaps
this anxiety may be over.
It is with real
pleasure I tell you that nothing can be more kind considerate attentive &
affectionate than Mr Rutherfords conduct to us both. He is an
admirable husband too & has both taste & talent. More of him hereafter
– It is time I take my leave with every kind & affectionate remembrance
from Eliza & Orlando.
I long to hear from
you – to know whether
Clifton is likely to be a place of rest. Write me a very very long
letter. It will be most welcome & precious to her who is ever gratefully
& affectionately yrs
E
Fenwick
Address: ^February fourteen 1815^ | For London | Mrs Hays | at Pennington's Esqr | Hotwells | Bristol
[to the side is written "S. Scott"]
Postmark: Illegible
1 Fenwick Family Papers, Correspondence,
1798-1855, New York Historical Library; Wedd, Fate of the Fenwicks 161-65; not in Brooks, Correspondence.