Eliza Fenwick, Lee Mount, to Miss Hays, at T. Hays, Wandsworth Common, 28 April [1813].1 Lee Mount April 28th My dear Friend I take up my pen with
an almost total incapacity of writing. I cannot command my thoughts to follow
any but the most painful course. Imagine what various and torturing
apprehensions must assail me when I tell you that the date of the last letter I
received from Eliza was Novr
25th. It came to hand early in January and this is now the last
day but one of April. Packets have arrived, fleets have come, at least so
newspapers aver, and yet five months elapse & I have no letter from her who has ever been so punctual, so
watchful of the opportunities of communicating her thoughts feelings &
circumstances to her mother. That the Captures have been numerous by American
vessels I am aware, but if vessels arrive with letters to others why not also to
me? The most probable cause ^as it^ appears to me ^is^ that she has herself
been taken prisoner. When she closed that letter of Novr 25th
they were on the point of sailing for St Thomas & from thence
intended returning to Barbadoes taking Antigua in their way. Is it very
querulous or unreasonable then that ^I^ imagine such a calamity to have I was grieved that Southey should
have answered in a way to pain you. It is a strange world. I expected something
Orlando has been here from the day before good friday, when his hollidays commenced, till last Monday morning; in the ^full^ enjoyment of liberty & felicity. He reads me long lectures on my fears about his Sister till his eyes fill with tears & his voice is choked by a sob. But young & sanguine his hopes soon revive and anticipations of misfortune have no power over him. I cannot say that his presence makes me ^absolutely^ happy, but he gives me moments of pleasure & amuses me very greatly. His Animal Spirits are unbounded and he has a species of humour that is irresistible. Some of his flights really surprise me they are so truly whimsical & shew so much observation on manners & peculiarities. He is very well, grows & his physical activity & strength seem to encrease. I often wonder what will be his fate in life. And I sigh to think that such happiness as he at present possesses cannot last through life. God bless you my dearest Friend. Excuse this gloomy & for me short letter. Write to me. You cannot perhaps believe how sincere a satisfaction your letters give me ^though^ mingled with the painful feeling your disappointments create. Tell me all that happens to you and believe me ever affectionately yours E Fenwick I cannot act upon the advice you gave me till I hear of or from my Eliza again – I write to her yet have no idea that my letters reach her, and to address her in this uncertainty is an effort of the most painful kind. I dread the revolving period of writing in which I did take delight. Address: Miss Hays | T. Hays Esqr | Wandsworth Common Postmark: none 1 Fenwick Family Papers, Correspondence, 1798-1855, New York Historical Library; Wedd, Fate of the Fenwicks 136-37; not in Brooks, Correspondence. |
MARY HAYS: LIFE, WRITINGS, AND CORRESPONDENCE > MARY HAYS CORRESPONDENCE > 1810-1819 > 1813 >