Eliza
Fenwick, Lee Mount, Ireland, to Mrs. M. Hays, at T. Hays, Esqr., Wandsworth Common, 27
October [1812] [Postmark 4 November 1812].1
Lee Mount Ocr 27th
I am both surprised and ashamed to think what
a bad correspondent I am become. It is delight to me to sit a spare hour in my
chamber by my cheerful wood fire and mentally converse with you and with Eliza.
Such ruminations though often verging towards melancholy are an actual feast to
me and yet to take up my pen to write to either is a positive task while I long
for the receipt of each of your letters with an earnestness I cannot describe.
I try to account for this odd and reprehensible change in my habits and begin
to fancy that the ease, serenity, & quiet of my situation are too much
opposed to the stimulating warfare of life I have generally led. At Mrs M—s I wrote much in
school hours when my pupil was engaged with Masters or employed in exercises
for them but that does not occur here. Music & writing occupy much time and
with other necessary pursuits I am closely employed with my pupils six hours of
the day. There Some times I steal an hour from my allowance to them for
an additional walk. The winters of Ireland are dreadfully rainy and while the
bright intervals of Autumn days remain I could lie out of doors. I walk a great
deal, exploring every spot and tract and constantly encreasing my affection for
the beauties of Nature. A late dinner between 6 & 7, lively entertaining chat
afterwards & every body ready to go to Bed by ten induce a sleepy
propensity I believe, for I find it impossible to sit up to write even with the
comfort of a good fire as I used to do shivering with cold & discomfort – I
am you perceive corrupted by luxury. Now & then I retire from our little
fireside circle, as at this moment, for an hour between dinner and tea with an
intention to write by but I generally fall into a reverie and neglect
the opportunity. Nor do I very often attempt this for though I am never opposed
I can easily discover that I am missed and Mr & Mrs
Honner and their guests are so pleasant so easy so animated that I think it
scarcely respectful or consistent with the gratitude due for their attention to
me to quit their society in that little interval of association. But as my
vocation is the cure of faults I ought I know to begin with my own and if you
will take me to your mercy and forgiveness dear Mary, I will endeavour to
amend. This propensity to mental inactivity, this inert and dangerous kind of
love of reverie does not assail me except in my periods of leisure and
loneliness. In my occupation I am more active than before. I have much
more to do & am therefore compell’d to greater & more watchful or
vigourous vigorous activity. My pupils have already greatly improved. The
second is a girl of quick intellect and will I believe do great credit to my
cases especially if I can but succeed in wholly subduing her devil of a temper. I am now perfectly Master – We seldom come to a quarrel
therefore I have hopes of that end also. The perpetual speaking & exertion
of <–> the hours of tuition leave me a little exhausted and induce
listlessness afterwards, more especially as my climbings & wanderings give
me bodily fatigue. Then I have no books, and that I feel to be a lamentable
thing. The library of the Russell institution saved me from many a wearisome
hour.2 Newly come to Europe and to settle from the wanderings of a military
life, Mr & Mrs Honner have not had time amidst the
bustle of building enlarging improving & furnishing their mansion to think
of accumulating books, so that except a monstrous quantity of Agricultural
& farriery volumes with one or two on Architecture & Mechanics we have
none but school room books. Mrs H— subscribes to a Cork library
which I imagine is a very bad one for the novels of character we have sent for
are never to be had and the generality of the Minerva press compositions I
cannot however fond of [a] story, read. Orlando tells me of a sort of
institution library which he wishes to have access to, but the subscription is
yearly and a deposit beside is given & they are at present beyond my means.
This quarter I have even over-run my salary in a trifling degree – My postage
has amounted to £3 and Orlando with his entrance money & his drawing
lessons &c costs me within 2s..6d of £20 – But oh
with what pleasure do I pay that money witnessing as I do the dear boys
stability in his pursuits, his rapid improvement and the manly reflecting turn
of mind he begins to possess. I have been but once to Cork since he went to
school and when I espress’d to Mr Humphries my gratitude for his
uncommon kindness to Lanno he answer’d – He
is so good a boy he deserves to be made happy. And happy he does make him
though he never suffers him to be idle. He has won the prize medal that is
bestowed every Saturday on examining what is called the Judgment books of the
week, for superiority of application, every week since the fou second of
his going to school. He regularly wins the premium for the best executed maps
since the third that he attempted and these he is obliged to execute in a given
time out of school hours. Bathing is his principal recreation and swimming has
I think superseded his passion for climbing. His Master sometimes on a Saturday
afternoon takes him out prospect viewing or snipe shooting, and Mr Humphries
total indifference to inconveniences of weather, or the obstacles of a stream
to ford, together with his cheerful friendly conversation help much to
strengthen with Lanno the influence of the school-master. Mr Joseph Humphries
brother to Mr H— an intelligent sensible quaker attaches himself
much to Lanno. With him Lanno a fortnight since made two tours – one to on foot, one to see the fine ruins of
Hilcray Abbey & the other Blarney Castle & its picturesque domain. In
the former he walked 23 miles in one day and the other about fifteen. His
account of both were very entertaining to us on the following Sunday and his
observations on them as the ^and^ the historical facts connected with
both convinced me his time had not been thrown away. Happy for him & for me
was the advice you gave of a removal from Mr Wilkinson[’s] silly
& cruel taunts and their evil tendency on his spirit. He feels the value of
his independence of such obligation so confer’d as he ought to feel it yet in
remembering Mrs W—s unkindness he does not forget the reverse on the
part of Mr W— and speaks highly of him & in particular praise of
the order & system that prevailed in Mr W—s mode of giving
instruction. I regret exceedingly
that you do not see my boy in this his state of improvement for the pleasure
you have already taken in him would be materially enhanced. Your admirable
maxims and conversations, now too that the excess of his animal spirits is a
little abated would be most advantageous to him but he cannot have every
possible blessing at once. I see him here once a fortnight – He
continues to be in high favor with the whole family but with all the
distinction and approbation he receives his deportment and manner however
lively is not forward or presumptuous. I miss his little billets which you used
to convey but his time is so occupied & appropriated he has not the
opportunity of writing. I intend he shd learn to dance but that he
has beg’d may be defer’d as it would be impossible ^he said^ he shd
attend without neglecting something of more utility. He rem^em^bers you fondly and all the kindness of Mr & Mrs Hays with gratitude. I trust he will ever remember it
and when he bids me speak of his good wishes he mentions every individual &
has more than once included Lion and Blunder. Next quarter will be less
expensive than this and I shall be able to save for the payment of the debt I
owe you. My residence here has not increased my inclination to send Lanno to
the East Indies, but all that I hear that I think or judge on that subject I
will reserve for a future communication. It is time now that I speak of my poor Wanderer. I know
no more of her situation & her intentions than when I wrote to you last. I
am anxiously watching for letters but none have come. I have ^grown^ so
familiar with these delays that I do not now suffer them to prey upon my mind
but absence does not lessen the pain of separation. I feel decidedly and more
& more so, that I can never feel at home decidedly but reunited to her. I
promised to transcribe passages relating to Mr Rutherford from her
letters this is one and the first mention of the matter – dated June 8th.
“How strange it is after the
years of perfect confidence I have passed with you speaking all I thought or
felt that I shd now hesitate – Is it a consciousness of wrong that
makes me fear your anger? If I am wrong say so my beloved Mother! Your word
will govern me. Though I had every earthly felicity within my reach yr wish wd govern shd
make me forego them all. I used to write fearlessly about Mr
Rutherford but now I do not like to speak of him least his name shd
make you angry. Yet I must speak of him for I have given my word to marry him
if you consent & for that consent I now write. I am not what is ^usually^
called in love with him yet I do esteem and love him very sincerely and I think
he is of all the men I ever saw most calculated to make me happy.”
Then follows his
prospect of settling as a lawyer and the plans for my immediately going to
Barbadoes to Judge of him & his prospects; – too long to copy
“Do not, my dear Mother,
determine hastily against Mr R— Come & see him. Come and see how
earnestly he endeavours to cure me of all my faults; how solicitous he is that
I never disregard an injunction of yours and how anxiously he partakes my
solicitude for my darling Lanno. We never spend an half hour together without
some pursuit. He has been of great service to my acting particularly in tragedy
which he labours to make me excel in. He importunes me to the practice of music
& singing when I would rather neglect them and with his assistance I have
become so fluent in French that I should now be able to teach it without fear.”
&c –
“Augst 2d My beloved Mother I do not know whether I
have a right to indulge the feelings of delight you have so unintentionally
given me. You were ignorant when you wrote the letter I have just received
enclosing one from Mr R—s mother how deeply my happiness was
concerned in yr approbation of Mr Rutherford. But you
have spoken kindly – almost affectionately of him & my heart throbs with
joy as I retrace the lines. He is the son of the man your father loved he loves
you and you must love him. Will you when you learn how dear he is to me retract
the interest you now express about him & yr present inclination
to esteem him? Why shd I think you will? Why when you have always
proved you consider no sacrifice too great to make for me shd I in
this instance fear you will demand I should prefer a chance of riches which of
themselves cd never make me happy, to a fair prospect of every other
happiness of life – It is considered by my wealthy friends here an imprudent
match though they highly esteem him. How is it so. I am able to get my own
living – much more I believe – Mr R. is equally competent to earn
enough for all the comforts of life & he had as little wish for more than
competence & comfort as you & I have. I cannot always live with Dr
& Mrs Dummet kind as they are altho that is what they wish. I
could not exist long ^thus^. Their perpetual desire for my company and dread of
my being alone gives it the slavery of a mere visit – It spoils my playing. I
am too far removed from the Theatre & Theatricals and my love for the stage
I perceive even with the flattering bursts of applause which follows every
thing I do, will not keep alive without having my attention constantly fixed to
it – What a chill of disappointment your going to Ireland gave to the zeal for
with which we were anticipating your speedy arrival here, yet my Orlando’s
claims were I confess paramount to mine important as I conceive mine to be. Ah
my dear Mother had I no other reason to love Mr Rutherford I should
do so because he talks and thinks so much like you. The more I see of his
^manners^ character & temper the more I learn of his feelings &
opinions the more I am convinced he is calculated beyond any one I ever knew to
constitute my happiness.”
I have not time
to transcribe her account of the dissentions of the Theatre nor the
difficulties she is placed in respecting going with the Company to another
Island for the vacation on account of the reigning disputes & her being too
much displeased with all to like going up unprotected with them. This
perplexity & my not joining her may precipitate this marriage. I will write
to you as soon as possible after the receipt of her next pacquets. Your love
and solicitude for my children is the pride of my heart.
God bless you dearest of friends!
Write me longer letters and tell me all
particulars of every thing that affects or interests your feelings. Mrs Hewitt is here. A warmly contested election and its Balls make a
little bustle among us at present. Our Autumn has generally ^mostly^
been fine Once a week we are generally visited by a fine pack of fox hounds
& a train of hunters. They come to
draw as it is called our woods for foxes. Their errand is cruel & yet I
cannot help thinking it a very pretty sight & animated sight. I have
neither seen the fox startled or killed you’ll observe. We have abundance of game
of all kinds.
What nonsense I talk
to you! but to chat thus seems coming nearer to each other. Adieu! Remember me
kindly to all enquiring friends & think of me ever as your
affectionate
friend
E
Fenwick
Address: Mrs M. Hays | T. Hays Esqr | Wandsworth Common
Postmark: 4 November 1812
1 Fenwick Family Papers, Correspondence, 1798-1855, New York Historical Library; Wedd, Fate of the Fenwicks 119-21; not in Brooks, Correspondence.
2 The Russell Institution was founded in 1809 in Great Coram Street, London, and the creation of a library was one of its central purposes. As John Feltham's Picture of London notes, the library sought to procure "the most useful works in ancient and modern literature," as well as "the establishment of a reading room provided with the best foreign and English journals, and the periodical publications, and lectures on literary and scientific subjects. The books in the library will be circulated for reading among the proprietors." It is doubtful Fenwick was a proprietor, given her constant financial woes, but she would have had many friends who probably were and could loan her books; most likely Hays benefited as well from the library through many of the same friends, possibly William Tooke. See Feltham, The Picture of London (London: R. Phillips, 1809), 184.