Eliza Fenwick to Mary Hays, undated letter, Saturday evening [c. summer 1810].1 Affection & its wish of
beguiling you of some moments sorrow, would indeed bring me to you were I my
own mistress but such is the waywardness of my situation that I am continually
attempting that which it seems at last impossible for me to perform. Since I
return’d to town, the change of place, a sort of dissipation of mind &
thought, from seeing some friends & expecting others, together with the
knowledge & circumstances which on the behalf of my friends interest my
feelings – and add to those an uneasy suspense about Eliza’s plans, you will
not wonder when I tell you that making daily efforts to write; I have scarcely
been able to <–> ^attain^ the least progress since I came to London. With
this extreme reluctance to my task & inability, I am tied to time &
must for my own sake finish I must come after your brother. I am glad to find he is so much better as to be able to remove to you. I wish him perfect recovery.2 Bereaved of yr only
hope,3 no wonder dear Mary you seem a burthen to yourself. I who have had many
sources of hope & expectation, am no longer alive to the happiness of
futurity. Constant struggles unceasing disappointments, & the canker worm
of poverty have destroyed This is not language perhaps to write to you but I cannot help it – I would I had your happiness, to take joy in, but those of most deserving, are of least obtaining. Let me hear from you Adieu yrs most sincerely E Fenwick Saturday evening Address: none Postmark: none 1 Fenwick Family Papers, Correspondence, 1798-1855, Unpublished Letters, New York Historical Library; does not appear in Wedd, Fate, or Brooks, Correspondence. 2 A reference to John Hays, her younger brother, who appears to have had some kind of illness, forcing him to remove for a time to Wandsworth and his brother's house. 3 Hays was still smarting from William Frend's marriage in 1808.
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MARY HAYS: LIFE, WRITINGS, AND CORRESPONDENCE > MARY HAYS CORRESPONDENCE > 1810-1819 > 1810 >